We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
