im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
