Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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