My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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