oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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