Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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