will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
