So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize