I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
