I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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