the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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