his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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