But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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