Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
