woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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