matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
