i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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