Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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