3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize