I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
