We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
