Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
