how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
