Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
