She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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