I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
