im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
