my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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