I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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