she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
