there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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