I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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