She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
love makes seman taste better
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
