Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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