His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
