his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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