i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
