You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my being single is dangerous.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
