They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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