apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
