I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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