My underwear smells like fireworks.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
