Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
