I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
