i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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