Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
