maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's shark week go big or go home
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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