They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
