i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
