Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
