You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
