Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize