My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
