Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
