i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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