Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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