I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
