Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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