hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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