I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
