i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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