we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
