I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
