tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
