Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
