Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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