Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
