He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
