she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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