You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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