I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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