just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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