Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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