Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
