good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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