she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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