just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
