i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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