i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize