i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
