What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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