youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
