Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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