I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
