theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
