Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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