I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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