My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I smell like Dick and happiness
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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